Am I David or Goliath?

1 Samuel 17:45
David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied."



Strange question, I know. Normally when I think about the story of David and Goliath, I'm thinking about it to make myself feel better; to encourage myself. "If David can slay the giant with just a sling in a stone, is there anything I can't do?" However, last night I realized that I am being Goliath.

A little background: I am freaking out. In fact, I believe an unfortunate phrase has come out of my mouth a few times in the last week or so – "I'm going to bleeping fail the bleeping Bar!" (Use your imagination, people). I'm studying for the Florida bar exam in July and working part time. Did I bite off more than I can chew? Absolutely. I knew that going in. What I didn't know was that I would have this much difficulty in handling it. After a long weekend with no studying, I had another breakdown. After my hubby did his best to console me using the remarks I had prepared for him (Yes, I have told him ahead of time what he needs to say to me in different situations. That way he doesn't unwittingly end up sleeping on the couch despite his best intentions.) I wasn't cursing anymore but I was still determined that I can't do it. This time will be the one when I fail.

Now, I have never had God "speak" to me in an audible voice, or in a dream or a vision. And I'll be honest, I tend to question the validity of those claims made by people. However, he knows how to get through. I hopped into bed last night at a ridiculously late bed time considering that I get up at 5:30am, but was still determined to read my Bible for the day. And the funny thing is, I am almost a month behind. So I open up my Bible in a Year and look at the Old Testament passage for May 31st. And what do I find? My old friend David volunteering to slay the giant. But the aspects of that story that I normally focus on paled into comparison to the verse I put at the beginning of this blog. David didn't slay the giant because he was super courageous – and clearly he didn't beat the Philistine and cut off his head because he was big and strong. He prevailed because he refused to let some muckety muck giant come in and defy his God. Now that's a characteristic that I've never noticed, but really want to have!

Here I am, touting to everyone what God did for me. He gave me all these amazing things in my life before I even knew to ask for them. And now I'm telling myself that I can't follow through and seal the deal? He has done all this yet I'm doubting him now? Dare I say, defying him? I'm being freaking Goliath!! I am laughing in God's face by saying "You've done all this … but I know that's all you've got. You're not going to see me through."

Starting today, I'm going to be David, not Goliath. And any time that Goliath-eske mentality starts creeping in, I will say "Who are you to defy MY God?" I know for a fact, as proven by the events in my life, that the path I am on right now is exactly where God wants me to be. I won't let my doubts creep in and defy that plan he's made for me.

I Samuel 17:14 as adapted for Riley Landy
You come against me with doubts, and fear and "I can't do it"s, but I come against you in the name of the LORD almighty, the savior of my heart and giver of my abundant life, whom you have defied.