Couldn't have said it any better myself.

I find it comical how sometimes, God uses my iPod playlist to put something in my mind that I really need to hear. Last week, I was feeling particularly hopeless and falling back into my old habits. I know I need help but, I've been so distracted and frankly, just plain mean, lately that I don't feel like I can ask. So, since I wasn't being productive and sitting there beating myself up wasn't helping anyone, I decided to go for a run. Normally, I scroll to my "Running" playlist for a run. It contains mostly fast paced, long and loud songs ... anything to get my blood pumping and get me motivated. For this particular run, however, I simply clicked "shuffle songs." And what should grace my ears right about the time that I finished mile 1? A song that pretty much sums up everything I've written in this blog and everything that I've learned over the past few years. Since these guys have said it much more eloquently and beautifully than I could have, I'll leave you with the lyrics of "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns.



Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Am I David or Goliath?

1 Samuel 17:45
David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied."



Strange question, I know. Normally when I think about the story of David and Goliath, I'm thinking about it to make myself feel better; to encourage myself. "If David can slay the giant with just a sling in a stone, is there anything I can't do?" However, last night I realized that I am being Goliath.

A little background: I am freaking out. In fact, I believe an unfortunate phrase has come out of my mouth a few times in the last week or so – "I'm going to bleeping fail the bleeping Bar!" (Use your imagination, people). I'm studying for the Florida bar exam in July and working part time. Did I bite off more than I can chew? Absolutely. I knew that going in. What I didn't know was that I would have this much difficulty in handling it. After a long weekend with no studying, I had another breakdown. After my hubby did his best to console me using the remarks I had prepared for him (Yes, I have told him ahead of time what he needs to say to me in different situations. That way he doesn't unwittingly end up sleeping on the couch despite his best intentions.) I wasn't cursing anymore but I was still determined that I can't do it. This time will be the one when I fail.

Now, I have never had God "speak" to me in an audible voice, or in a dream or a vision. And I'll be honest, I tend to question the validity of those claims made by people. However, he knows how to get through. I hopped into bed last night at a ridiculously late bed time considering that I get up at 5:30am, but was still determined to read my Bible for the day. And the funny thing is, I am almost a month behind. So I open up my Bible in a Year and look at the Old Testament passage for May 31st. And what do I find? My old friend David volunteering to slay the giant. But the aspects of that story that I normally focus on paled into comparison to the verse I put at the beginning of this blog. David didn't slay the giant because he was super courageous – and clearly he didn't beat the Philistine and cut off his head because he was big and strong. He prevailed because he refused to let some muckety muck giant come in and defy his God. Now that's a characteristic that I've never noticed, but really want to have!

Here I am, touting to everyone what God did for me. He gave me all these amazing things in my life before I even knew to ask for them. And now I'm telling myself that I can't follow through and seal the deal? He has done all this yet I'm doubting him now? Dare I say, defying him? I'm being freaking Goliath!! I am laughing in God's face by saying "You've done all this … but I know that's all you've got. You're not going to see me through."

Starting today, I'm going to be David, not Goliath. And any time that Goliath-eske mentality starts creeping in, I will say "Who are you to defy MY God?" I know for a fact, as proven by the events in my life, that the path I am on right now is exactly where God wants me to be. I won't let my doubts creep in and defy that plan he's made for me.

I Samuel 17:14 as adapted for Riley Landy
You come against me with doubts, and fear and "I can't do it"s, but I come against you in the name of the LORD almighty, the savior of my heart and giver of my abundant life, whom you have defied.

Order my steps!

Proverbs 3:5 - 6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

I wanted to chronicle the events of the past two years that have led me to where I am now. I am living proof that God really does have a plan and if we will simply ask, he will show it to us. And I promise you, it will be So. Much. Better. than anything you could have planned for yourself. This is still hard for me to comprehend. Luckily, I am (although still struggling) learning that God wants indescribably fabulous things for me, not because I deserve them, but just because he loves me that much. Ah- mazing!

September 2008 – rejection letter after rejection letter! I got second interview offers from four top firms, was in the top of my class, yet received not a single offer for a summer associate position for the following summer.

February 2009 – Patrick gets laid off, twice, and ends up without a job for FOUR months! (Side note – we got a ridiculous amount of money back from our tax return in March of 2009. We still don't really know why except that our CPA is a genius … and the fact that without that money, who knows how we would have paid our bills!!)

March 2009 – I decide to apply for an unpaid internship at the Florida Supreme Court. Considering our current position, I really needed a paying job! But it just was not happening! Soon after being chosen for the internship, the Professor in charge of the program asked if any of us would be willing to take a position in DC instead because they had chosen too many students. I seriously considered it but in the end, fought to keep my spot at the Florida Supreme Court. And I was chosen to intern for Justice Ricky Polston.

May 2009 – Company where Patrick interned while he was in school posts an open position for a 6 month contractor. Not ideal but, getting paid for 6 months and doing a long distance marriage for a while was better than the alternative – not making any money at all. He contacted his former boss who decided to turn the contractor position into a full-time, permanent position when Patrick said he was interested. He had the interviews and got the job.

June 2009 – We have a fabulous family in Tallahassee who helped in more ways than I could explain! They allowed Patrick and I to stay with them throughout the summer until we could figure out what we were going to do. (They were so amazing, they put up with us through October!!) Patrick starts his new job and I start my internship. I was fully aware that I'd have to go back down to St. Pete by myself to finish my last year and a half of law school.

Until … another intern at the Supreme Court mentioned that she would be "visiting" at UF to be with her husband after they got married. I inquired about this to find that you can obtain up to 30 credit hours from another institution in law school!! I applied to visit at FSU for the Fall of 2009, was accepted, got approval from Stetson, and began at FSU in August.

Sometime during the fall semester – I can't remember the exact date because, let's be honest, everything blurs together during the semester when you're in law school – I realize that I will only need to take 15 credit hours in the spring to GRADUATE early! Once I was able to register for spring classes, I got approval from Stetson, and changed my graduation date! However, I could only change it to July 2010 because Stetson has some weird grading policy that wouldn't allow me to graduate in May when I should. There was one other important event in the fall semester (September I think); we decided we were going to buy a house (less than 6 months ago we had been UNEMPLOYED … and now we were buying house!!) We were driving around a neighborhood we liked, found a house that was probably out of our price range, and decided to go inside. As soon as I walked in, I said "This is my house!" … and it was only FOUR months later that we closed on that very house on December 23rd, 2009.

Spring semester 2010 – I was hoping I might be able to talk Stetson into letting me graduate in May so I contacted the registrar to see if there was anything I could do about the grading issue. She informed me that, in fact, Stetson faculty had just approved a policy change that would allow me to graduate in May!!!!

February 2010 – I sent my resume through the mail to some firm I thought I would be interested in. Read my past postings if you're interested in that story. However, something important to note … when I went to my first interview (and second interview, actually), every single attorney said "Oh, you know Ricky?" … Ricky?! "OOOOOOh, you mean Justice Polston." (See March 2009) Come to find out, the Justice that I interned for (admittedly as a result of being denied everywhere else!) used to be a law clerk at the firm I where I was interviewing. This was the best internship I could have ever asked for! Not only is the Justice a great person that I learned a lot from, but having worked for him was like a BIG GOLDEN star on my resume! As you probably know … I got the job and am working there today!

Maybe no one else sees it. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that alllll of these things happened because God knows what is best for me more than I do. I also know that it wasn't until I truly started seeking him that all of these events finally aligned and brought me to me fabulous husband, in our perfect little first home, at a job that has turned out to be much better than I ever thought possible.

So, who knows what he might have planned for your life!! All you have to do is ask. And then have faith that he will make amazing things happen in your life … and he will. I can say that with 100% certainty because that is exactly what he did for me.

Now What?

I realize that these posts are far too infrequent. I have also realized that any time God has a good thing going, the pesky ole' devil will do anything he can to stop it … ehem, make life so hectic that the last thing on my list is updating this thing. Well the posts may be too far between but I will finish telling my story no matter how long it takes me.

I ended the last post with a little cliffhanger. Mostly because I could type all day and still never tell you all of the glorious things that God has done, and I had to stop somewhere! But like I said, I will keep at it until I've done my absolute best.

So I got the second interview. That e-mail pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks. I literally sat there and said "Holy crap. It worked." It was in that moment that I realized that God listens. He listens when I talk to him. And not because I deserve it, but simply because he loves me that much! (And, you too, by the way!). When I sat down with my husband and recounted all of the totally improbable things that had to occur in order for me to be at this point in my life, it became abundantly clear that, for whatever reason, he made it happen. And I literally mean that he had his hand in the situation all along because I know that nothing I could have done on my own would be good enough to make me a candidate for THE perfect job! Since he was willing to give me that chance, I knew it was time to dive in head first and blindfolded and have faith that he would keep me afloat. And that, my friends, is the second part in the whole "ask and you will receive" thing. You must not only ask, but also know that he will answer. This was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. The one struggle that I continually had was trying to figure out why. The past three years I have been trained to always ask why, and my human brain could just not put that question to rest, nor could it completely surrender until I found the answer. The answer is something that I heard all the time, every Sunday, and for years I heard it every day. Finally, finally it clicked for me when I came across Matthew 7:9-10:

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

The reason why: because I am his child. I don't have to be worthy or deserving. My request doesn't even have to be something all holy and noble. Why does he want to bless me with this opportunity? Because I want it! Bam. Coming to that kind of knowledge not only in your heart but also in your mind will change your life. The God who created the entire universe considers me his child and will give me things for which I ask simply because I want them.

I need to make a brief disclaimer here. Clearly, God is not like a genie in a bottle who is at our service whenever we give the bottle rub. His job is not to give us new cars or money or fulfill our every selfish desire. I came to him with a humble heart that was totally open and surrendered to him. And that's what made the difference.

Once I came across that passage in Matthew, I wrote it down on a piece of paper, along with my request (which had now moved on from a second interview to a job offer) and several other verses, many of which I had put here in this blog. I kept it on my desk, read it frequently, and prayed every time I saw it. The whole having faith thing came into play when I cancelled other job interviews that I had. Huge risk – especially in this economy, especially for a law student that was 3 weeks out from graduation. But when I dove in head first and blind folded, I depended solely on him to keep me afloat. And he did. And I got the job.

Coming up: I'm going to make a timeline, primarily to memorialize for myself, but also so that anyone who reads this can see the amazing chain of events that occurred to bring me to this place – proof that God was ordering my steps long before I ever asked him to!

Book of Remembrance, Take 1.

Ok, I know I need to come up with a better name. I'll think about it during my work out (I always come up with the best ideas when I'm working my butt off!). I decided to do this after the hubby and I skipped church on Sunday. It was partly due to the fact that Pastor Jeremy was out of town (we. love. him.) and partly because by 10:15 (church starts at 10:30) I still had wet hair and no makeup. Lucky for us, God is not the kind of God who keeps count and I'm confident that he still loves me even though I haven't been to church in two weeks. (GASP!) We missed church. But I still wanted to learn something. So we pulled up Joyce Meyer's website, clicked on a video, and watched while drinking coffee in our PJs. I learned that we should never stop being in awe of God. He does amazing things every single day. We just don't always notice! So what Joyce does, and what I'm going to start doing, it keep a list of the awesome things, be they big or small, that he does in my life.

Take one:

I got a B. In any other semester, that would be bad news. But this time, when all I wanted to do is pass and get on my merry way, a B is AMAZING. Especially considering the fact that I came out of the exam completely prepared to have failed and have to take a class over the summer to get my degree. (This is not an exaggeration - my mom can vouch for that!) Grades for the class came in yesterday. God gave me a B. I say that he gave it to me because, had I been left to my own devices on this State Constitutional Law turned meaningless trivia on Florida history exam, I would not have gotten a B. Yay God!

"Ask and You Will Receive." Fact or Fiction?

My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. Psalm 71:15.

I tried to come up with a way to build up to this and then have a dramatic revelation. However, I think it's best just to put this up front. "Ask and you will receive" is not a joke. It's not a suggestion. It is a promise.

"For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him whoknocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:8

Nowhere does it say "I'll think about it" or "I might if you're good enough." As I discussed in the previous post, I will never be good enough. Thus, being the textualist that I am, I look right at the language that tells me exactly what I need to do in order to receive. Just. Ask.

Now, I could go through and recount the numerous promises that God has made to people throughout history that he fulfilled. However, I am no theologian or historian and that would take me a while. So instead, I'm going to tell you how God promised me that if I would ask; if I would, instead of worrying and being anxious, simply make my request known to him, I would receive. The door would be opened. And it was!

It was a process for me personally to get to the point where I could ask God for something I wanted and actually believe that he would give it to me. Coming into my last semester of law school, I had no job waiting for me and, frankly, no prospects. Depending on how well you know me you may understand how devastating that was for me. Law school was so important to me. I sacrificed so much to be there and I put so much time and effort into it. And I did well. All of those things are ingredients to becoming a successful attorney, right? Everyone else in the top of the class with me had a job, or at the very least, had some good prospects. That's why I worked so hard to place myself in that top group because that's supposed to mean that law firms want you. But no one wanted me.

The whole "asking" thing started with me waking up each morning and literally just saying "HELP!" because I was at a loss of what else to say. I applied to any and every job I could find that I thought might remotely interest me. All TWO of them. I only found two job openings to which I felt worth applying. Then one came up with no contact information other than a P.O. Box - "Small to medium size firm specializing in insurance defense seeking associate." I thought it might be worth, at the very least, finding out more information. One day before the stated deadline, I dropped a copy of my resume in the mail in an envelope where I handwrote the address. (Very professional, huh?!) As I opened the box a let the envelope fall inside, I uttered a quiet "HELP!" under my breath, then moved along and forgot about it. I forgot about it because I didn't really want it. I didn't think I deserved it, and I just knew I would never hear anything from the firm.

Throughout the next two months, my cry for help evolved into something more like "If you want, please provide something for me. But if not, that's okay too." Then I got a phone call. I was sitting at my desk at the firm where I was a law clerk. It was basically a cubicle with four walls that were about 5 feet high and I felt like everyone could hear my conversations. This makes sense since I could hear everyone else's conversations. I didn't answer. As soon as the voice mail notification went off I dialed in to listen to the message. It was the administrator at some law firm calling to set up an interview. But I couldn't even remember who it was! I had to google the name she left on my voice mail to figure out which firm it was and when I sent my resume. I remember e-mailing my husband, telling him about the voice mail, and ending the e-mail with "Whaaaaaaaaat?" I never expected this. I called back and set up the interview, not really knowing what to expect considering how little I knew about the firm. However, with every second, beginning the moment I pulled into the parking lot, everything about the firm started to grow on me. The office was beautiful, everyone was extremely friendly, and every single attorney that I met that day had something in common with me. Whether it was cycling, my idea of a "perfect" job, where my family is from, or a mutual friend or acquaintance. Leaving the office, I felt that there couldn't be a job out there that would be more perfect for me. At that point I was beginning to realize that somehow, God had been ordering my steps to get me to this place in life before I ever even asked him to.

The day after my interview I was reading my "One Year Bible" (Which I highly recommend to anyone who wants to learn more about God but doesn't know where to start) and, in my reading for that day was Philippians 4:6:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And I did. I woke up every morning, took a deep breath to release all the anxiety and anticipation about this job that was building up inside me, thanked God for all the amazing things he has given me, and presented my requests to him. Well, there was really only one request: Get me a second interview. Why I didn't ask him to just get me the job, I have no idea. Every morning I methodically prayed using his own words and presented my request to him.

There is so much more to the story. That amazing breaking point that I described in the previous post – learning to accept God's loving grace even though I suck and could never earn it or pay it back – happened while I was requesting the second interview. Since this post has become much longer than I intended, I'll end it there and simply say – I got another interview.

Coming up: Ask and you will receive. Check! Now what? Also, I'm going to start my "Book of Remembrance" to chronicle all the amazing things, big and small, that God does in my life daily.

My Inner Overachiever: Friend or Foe?

My name is Riley and I'm an overachiever. Hi Riley.

Being an overachiever means not only always going above and beyond the call of duty, but also feeling a constant need to earn every inch. To me, being an overachiever means not accepting anything for free. This is usually a good thing. When it comes to school, I always read the assignment before class and I always volunteered in class discussions, with very few exceptions. It was exhausting but I couldn't not do it. At work, I get there early or stay late, and frequently work through lunch. And, to my husband's chagrin, pieces of paper must be perfectly aligned before I staple them, and the staple must be at an exact angle. That's what I do and I can't imagine doing it any other way. In the interest of candor, I'll admit that I'm glad that I am that way. When I get an A, I know I earned it. Good review at work – yes, I know I did a good job because I worked my butt off on it. This, I believe, is a fabulous way to approach my professional life, school, work, fitness, etc. Always go one step above.

However, this overachiever-ness can be a huge obstacle to achieving the fabulously fulfilling life God has in store for me. This constant need to earn everything just plan ole' doesn't work when it comes to God. His love is a gift. It cannot be earned. Period. It was when I came to that realization that I began a rapid ascent into the best time of my life thus far. As a christian, I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I know that he overcame death so that I can have eternal life. That God sent him to do all of this because he loves me so incredibly much. I heard all of this every day for 11 years. The pivotal step was when I truly accepted that God sent his son for me, personally. Little ole' me with all of my imperfections. That he would have done so if I were the only person on earth. And that he did it with me in mind long before I was even a twinkle in my daddy's eye. Which meeeeeans … nothing, absolutely nothing I could possibly do could ever make me deserving. Ace an exam, and I feel great about that because I know I deserve it. But this whole "gift" thing is hard for me to comprehend.

While I'm getting better, I was (and sometimes still am) stuck in a viciously unproductive cycle for a long time: I don't deserve anything from God because I'm so incredibly imperfect. So I won't ask him. I'll do something really great and selfless and then I'll ask him, because then I'll be worth it. I bow my head at night … and I draw a blank. I can't ask him for anything! I don't even deserve what I already have, much less any more. Pray for family, pray for friends, thank him for everything I already have. Amen. Then wake up the next morning and try again to come up with some reason why I deserve anything.

When I look at all that now, on paper, I see how truly silly it is. More than silly; illogical. In one breath I admit that God's love and amazing grace cannot be earned, yet I rack my brains trying to find a way to deserve it?? That kind of logic would never stand up in court, so why would I allow that to jive in my personal life. I won't. Not anymore.

God's grace, his love, all the blessings he has in store for my life, are gifts. I can't earn them nor will I ever deserve them. No matter how hard I want to; regardless of my inner overachiever's need to earn every inch. Accepting the truth that he gives me all these things freely is overwhelmingly empowering. It allows me to come before him and just ask, knowing I don't deserve it. Also knowing that he might just give it to me anyway.

Coming up: "Ask and you will receive." Fact or fiction? And, the amazing surprise of getting more than I ever thought of asking for.