Book of Remembrance, Take 1.

Ok, I know I need to come up with a better name. I'll think about it during my work out (I always come up with the best ideas when I'm working my butt off!). I decided to do this after the hubby and I skipped church on Sunday. It was partly due to the fact that Pastor Jeremy was out of town (we. love. him.) and partly because by 10:15 (church starts at 10:30) I still had wet hair and no makeup. Lucky for us, God is not the kind of God who keeps count and I'm confident that he still loves me even though I haven't been to church in two weeks. (GASP!) We missed church. But I still wanted to learn something. So we pulled up Joyce Meyer's website, clicked on a video, and watched while drinking coffee in our PJs. I learned that we should never stop being in awe of God. He does amazing things every single day. We just don't always notice! So what Joyce does, and what I'm going to start doing, it keep a list of the awesome things, be they big or small, that he does in my life.

Take one:

I got a B. In any other semester, that would be bad news. But this time, when all I wanted to do is pass and get on my merry way, a B is AMAZING. Especially considering the fact that I came out of the exam completely prepared to have failed and have to take a class over the summer to get my degree. (This is not an exaggeration - my mom can vouch for that!) Grades for the class came in yesterday. God gave me a B. I say that he gave it to me because, had I been left to my own devices on this State Constitutional Law turned meaningless trivia on Florida history exam, I would not have gotten a B. Yay God!

"Ask and You Will Receive." Fact or Fiction?

My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. Psalm 71:15.

I tried to come up with a way to build up to this and then have a dramatic revelation. However, I think it's best just to put this up front. "Ask and you will receive" is not a joke. It's not a suggestion. It is a promise.

"For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him whoknocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:8

Nowhere does it say "I'll think about it" or "I might if you're good enough." As I discussed in the previous post, I will never be good enough. Thus, being the textualist that I am, I look right at the language that tells me exactly what I need to do in order to receive. Just. Ask.

Now, I could go through and recount the numerous promises that God has made to people throughout history that he fulfilled. However, I am no theologian or historian and that would take me a while. So instead, I'm going to tell you how God promised me that if I would ask; if I would, instead of worrying and being anxious, simply make my request known to him, I would receive. The door would be opened. And it was!

It was a process for me personally to get to the point where I could ask God for something I wanted and actually believe that he would give it to me. Coming into my last semester of law school, I had no job waiting for me and, frankly, no prospects. Depending on how well you know me you may understand how devastating that was for me. Law school was so important to me. I sacrificed so much to be there and I put so much time and effort into it. And I did well. All of those things are ingredients to becoming a successful attorney, right? Everyone else in the top of the class with me had a job, or at the very least, had some good prospects. That's why I worked so hard to place myself in that top group because that's supposed to mean that law firms want you. But no one wanted me.

The whole "asking" thing started with me waking up each morning and literally just saying "HELP!" because I was at a loss of what else to say. I applied to any and every job I could find that I thought might remotely interest me. All TWO of them. I only found two job openings to which I felt worth applying. Then one came up with no contact information other than a P.O. Box - "Small to medium size firm specializing in insurance defense seeking associate." I thought it might be worth, at the very least, finding out more information. One day before the stated deadline, I dropped a copy of my resume in the mail in an envelope where I handwrote the address. (Very professional, huh?!) As I opened the box a let the envelope fall inside, I uttered a quiet "HELP!" under my breath, then moved along and forgot about it. I forgot about it because I didn't really want it. I didn't think I deserved it, and I just knew I would never hear anything from the firm.

Throughout the next two months, my cry for help evolved into something more like "If you want, please provide something for me. But if not, that's okay too." Then I got a phone call. I was sitting at my desk at the firm where I was a law clerk. It was basically a cubicle with four walls that were about 5 feet high and I felt like everyone could hear my conversations. This makes sense since I could hear everyone else's conversations. I didn't answer. As soon as the voice mail notification went off I dialed in to listen to the message. It was the administrator at some law firm calling to set up an interview. But I couldn't even remember who it was! I had to google the name she left on my voice mail to figure out which firm it was and when I sent my resume. I remember e-mailing my husband, telling him about the voice mail, and ending the e-mail with "Whaaaaaaaaat?" I never expected this. I called back and set up the interview, not really knowing what to expect considering how little I knew about the firm. However, with every second, beginning the moment I pulled into the parking lot, everything about the firm started to grow on me. The office was beautiful, everyone was extremely friendly, and every single attorney that I met that day had something in common with me. Whether it was cycling, my idea of a "perfect" job, where my family is from, or a mutual friend or acquaintance. Leaving the office, I felt that there couldn't be a job out there that would be more perfect for me. At that point I was beginning to realize that somehow, God had been ordering my steps to get me to this place in life before I ever even asked him to.

The day after my interview I was reading my "One Year Bible" (Which I highly recommend to anyone who wants to learn more about God but doesn't know where to start) and, in my reading for that day was Philippians 4:6:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And I did. I woke up every morning, took a deep breath to release all the anxiety and anticipation about this job that was building up inside me, thanked God for all the amazing things he has given me, and presented my requests to him. Well, there was really only one request: Get me a second interview. Why I didn't ask him to just get me the job, I have no idea. Every morning I methodically prayed using his own words and presented my request to him.

There is so much more to the story. That amazing breaking point that I described in the previous post – learning to accept God's loving grace even though I suck and could never earn it or pay it back – happened while I was requesting the second interview. Since this post has become much longer than I intended, I'll end it there and simply say – I got another interview.

Coming up: Ask and you will receive. Check! Now what? Also, I'm going to start my "Book of Remembrance" to chronicle all the amazing things, big and small, that God does in my life daily.

My Inner Overachiever: Friend or Foe?

My name is Riley and I'm an overachiever. Hi Riley.

Being an overachiever means not only always going above and beyond the call of duty, but also feeling a constant need to earn every inch. To me, being an overachiever means not accepting anything for free. This is usually a good thing. When it comes to school, I always read the assignment before class and I always volunteered in class discussions, with very few exceptions. It was exhausting but I couldn't not do it. At work, I get there early or stay late, and frequently work through lunch. And, to my husband's chagrin, pieces of paper must be perfectly aligned before I staple them, and the staple must be at an exact angle. That's what I do and I can't imagine doing it any other way. In the interest of candor, I'll admit that I'm glad that I am that way. When I get an A, I know I earned it. Good review at work – yes, I know I did a good job because I worked my butt off on it. This, I believe, is a fabulous way to approach my professional life, school, work, fitness, etc. Always go one step above.

However, this overachiever-ness can be a huge obstacle to achieving the fabulously fulfilling life God has in store for me. This constant need to earn everything just plan ole' doesn't work when it comes to God. His love is a gift. It cannot be earned. Period. It was when I came to that realization that I began a rapid ascent into the best time of my life thus far. As a christian, I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I know that he overcame death so that I can have eternal life. That God sent him to do all of this because he loves me so incredibly much. I heard all of this every day for 11 years. The pivotal step was when I truly accepted that God sent his son for me, personally. Little ole' me with all of my imperfections. That he would have done so if I were the only person on earth. And that he did it with me in mind long before I was even a twinkle in my daddy's eye. Which meeeeeans … nothing, absolutely nothing I could possibly do could ever make me deserving. Ace an exam, and I feel great about that because I know I deserve it. But this whole "gift" thing is hard for me to comprehend.

While I'm getting better, I was (and sometimes still am) stuck in a viciously unproductive cycle for a long time: I don't deserve anything from God because I'm so incredibly imperfect. So I won't ask him. I'll do something really great and selfless and then I'll ask him, because then I'll be worth it. I bow my head at night … and I draw a blank. I can't ask him for anything! I don't even deserve what I already have, much less any more. Pray for family, pray for friends, thank him for everything I already have. Amen. Then wake up the next morning and try again to come up with some reason why I deserve anything.

When I look at all that now, on paper, I see how truly silly it is. More than silly; illogical. In one breath I admit that God's love and amazing grace cannot be earned, yet I rack my brains trying to find a way to deserve it?? That kind of logic would never stand up in court, so why would I allow that to jive in my personal life. I won't. Not anymore.

God's grace, his love, all the blessings he has in store for my life, are gifts. I can't earn them nor will I ever deserve them. No matter how hard I want to; regardless of my inner overachiever's need to earn every inch. Accepting the truth that he gives me all these things freely is overwhelmingly empowering. It allows me to come before him and just ask, knowing I don't deserve it. Also knowing that he might just give it to me anyway.

Coming up: "Ask and you will receive." Fact or fiction? And, the amazing surprise of getting more than I ever thought of asking for.

Let's get it started.

"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

Luke 19:40

Welcome to my new blog! I don't know how many people will actually read this. I don't know if anyone will. In spite of that, I know it's important that I write this down. By "this" I mean the journey that I've been taking in my life. I haven't done anything spectacular. I haven't achieved anything worth an Oscar or Nobel Peace Prize. But what has happened to me recently is something that I wish everyone could experience and I hope that by chronicling recent events (and hopefully even more to come in the future) I can share this gift with others to help them experience it as well.

First, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm 24 years old and I've been married to my husband Patrick for almost 2 years. I have grown up and lived in Florida all my life and I intend to stay here forever. Anywhere north of the Florida/Georgia line is just too cold for me J I went to The Florida State University for undergrad and recently graduated with my J.D. from Stetson University College of Law.

Not only did I grow up in Florida, but I also grew up in the church, attending private school until 11^th grade and always attending church with my family. Despite that long background in the church, it has only been recently that God has really revealed himself to me in a way that I will attempt to describe through this blog. I don't know why I am just experiencing this now … I think it's because this is the first time in my life that I let him in.

And that's why I'm writing this blog. When I look back on the past 4 or 5 years of my life I see the way that, as I became more and more open to God, he began to order my steps on a path that is far more awesome (or, awesomer?) than I could have ever wanted for myself. The manner in which my life has unfolded is nothing short of supernatural because there is just no way that I would be where I am if someone had not been orchestrating all of the "coincidences" for me starting years before I even asked him to.

So that's it. I'm writing this blog because I want to share with others the journey that I have been on that has led me to this amazing life I lead. A journey that became increasingly more successful as I opened my heart and mind up to allow God to come in and do his thing. I'm writing it all down because once I experienced God's presence in my life in such an amazingly real way, I knew I had to share it. If only one person ever reads this and uses it in some way to come closer to that real breath-of-life, day-to-day, BFF relationship with God, well then it's worth the effort for me.

Coming up: Why I consider myself an overachiever and why we, as a people, have special challenges when it comes to accepting God's grace.